Landslide
by Annie Coomes
Summary: Oneshot. Prompt: 7x13: When Castle doesn't show up for dinner, Kate has flashbacks to his disappearance in 7x01.


**Landslide**

 _Prompt from Castle Fan Fic Promoter blog: 7x13: When Castle doesn't show up for dinner, Kate has flashbacks to his disappearance in 7x01._

Xxx

"Would it help at all if I cooked you dinner tonight?"

"Immeasurably"

"Okay, what time can you make it home?"

"Uh, Westchester and back, factoring in time for shoulder crying, eight-thirty, nine?"

"I'll see you then. I love you"

Kate had stopped at the market on her way home, she wandered down the vegetable aisle trying to decide between courgettes or mange tout for the stir fry she was cooking. Her body was relaxed, a loose smile rested on her lips as she studied the vegetables, a sense of normality was finally returning to their lives. It seemed they had fought many ups and downs this year, their elopement had acted to banish the last shadows from their relationship that had been left behind by his disappearance. Now the biggest decision in her life was what to cook her husband for dinner, it seemed their time for calm had come.

Back at the loft she diced and chopped a rainbow of vegetables, she sliced the chicken breasts she had bought and marinaded them in a honey and soy sauce. The whole time she cooked she sang, her voice a gentle whisper on the night as she spun around the kitchen, her bare feet spinning and pirouetting as her limbs moved in time to her voice. She left everything next to the pan, ready to throw in when he returned and opened a bottle of wine. She set two glasses at the table and turned to face the clock; eight-thirty. He would be home soon. She lit the fire and sunk into the deep chair before it, resting a magazine on her knee, she flicked through, waiting for him to return.

At nine o'clock he still wasn't home. She felt a sharp pang of worry hit her gut but refused to acknowledge it. Traffic, it must be traffic, she thought to herself as she wandered back into the kitchen. Her hands trailed aimlessly across the counters, her eyes drawn back to the clock. She picked up her phone, feeling silly for giving in to her worries, and sent him a quick text.

'Dinner's ready when you are. Can't wait to see you :) x'

The text disappeared and she could just imagine him reading it before glancing at his watch, realising the time and rushing back her. Thirty minutes, she thought, he'd be here in thirty minutes. She walked into his study and picked up a well worn copy of Flowers For Your Grave. Sitting at his desk she lent back, thumbing through the pages, willing her mind to lose itself in the book.

It worked for an hour. The moment she saw the clock read ten she felt a seed of panic plant within her gut, she paused where she was, straining to listen for a key within the door. She was met with only silence. Kate pulled out her phone and quickly dialled his number – it went straight to voicemail.

The seed of panic in her gut started to grow, taking on a life of its own. She stood now, her hands beginning to shake gently as she walked back and forth across the loft, her mind racing. Where was he? Had they taken him again?

She turned back to her phone, battling the decision to call the precinct and trace his phone. Her rational mind told her not to, he could just be stuck in traffic, his phone out of battery; a police search would be a waste of resources. But the rest of her, the part that had lived through two months of hell, screamed for her to search for him, to find him.

Kate couldn't breath. She went to the window and flung it open, the scream of the city buzzing below filled her ears as a cool breeze whipped across her face. It wasn't enough. All she could hear in her mind were her sobs for Castle. All she could see were the flames licking at his car, the murder board in her apartment that had framed his lost face and the feeling of the cold sweat that had covered her body whenever she awoke from a nightmare.

"Castle, where are you?" She whispered to herself.

Kate leant against a wall, running her fingers through her wide curls, before covering her face with her hands. The panic was forcing nausea to rise within her throat, her ears were ringing and dizziness was swamping her. She slid slowly down the wall until she reached the floor, her knees pulled up underneath her head, her chin resting on them as she watched the door and waited. Her fingers rotated her wedding band around her finger. When she had found him, she had thought she would never feel like this again, that she would never have to battle the demons whispering within her mind again. But now she found herself alone on the floor of their apartment fighting off a panic attack whilst she begged for him to be okay.

At midnight the phone rang. The tears had dried on her face, she was still on the floor, rocking gently as she relived the missing time in her head. She rose and ran across the room on slightly unsteady legs.

"Kate" the flood of relief that hit her was so dizzying she nearly fell.

"Castle, where are you?" She fought to keep the desperation from her voice, but some of it bled through.

"Beckett, she's dead, she's dead"

"Wait, slow down, what's going on?"

"Eva, was murdered by her husband. He killed her, I – I couldn't stop it. I couldn't…"

Kate had gone to him instantly, she had used her sirens to speed across the city, her heart still pounding, as she raced towards him. In her mind she could hear the echo of her shoes as she'd raced through the hospital towards him. He's okay, he's okay, she tried to reassure herself, but she couldn't seem to get her breathing quite right.

Kate froze when she saw him, leaning against a police car with blood on his face. It took everything in her not to throw herself into his arms and sob. She walked slowly up to him, praying her breathing wouldn't give her away as she studied his face. She ran her fingers gently across his skin, studying his wound as she listened to his tale. She didn't hear a word he was saying, her fingers searching his skin to check he was still there, that he wasn't going disappear from under her. For the rest of the conversation she stood with her fingers pressing into his forearm, her grip on him like a vice, afraid that if she let go, she might sink back under. He watched her carefully, pressing his fingers over hers, trying to silently reassure her.

They drove back in silence, Kate's fingers tapping over the steering wheel, every few seconds she turned her head to check he was still there. They rode the elevator up, still consumed by silence, Castle now studying the lines of fear that marked Kate's face, he could see the glistening in the specks of her eyes and the faint tremors that shook her body. Closing the door behind them, Castle turned to her.

"Kate" before he could speak further she was in his arms, her face pressed into his neck, her arms clinging onto his back. He pushed his face into her hair, breathing her in, one hand running up and down her back, the other cradling the back of her head.

"It's okay. I'm okay" he murmured into her hair.

"I thought you had gone" her confession was barely a squeak against his skin. "I thought they had taken you again".

He held her as sobs wrecked her delicate body, swaying her gently he wished he could take away all the pain he had caused her.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" . Pain had creeped into his voice now as he held her close, never wanting to let her go. She pulled her head back from his neck, her long fingers running down his face.

"No, it's not your fault" she whispered, the grief in her eyes shattering him. He used a thumb to wipe a tear that stained her pale cheeks.

"That doesn't make me any less sorry for all the pain I've caused you". Her face haunted him, it wore the same expression now as it did when he tore her from the nightmares where she screamed his name and choked on her sobs. She leant her forehead against his.

"It's just something I'm going to have to learn to live with". He leaned into her, his heart breaking.

"You shouldn't have to"

She smiled sadly at him, her fingers now intwined with his, her eyes searching his one last time.

"You're okay" she assured herself.

"I'm okay. Kate…" He paused, searching for the words. "Whatever happens, wherever I go, know that I am always on my way back to you. I will always find you."

They stood like that for a moment, each of them leaning on the other, willing them to be okay. The world swayed around them but they remained still, clinging to each other.

Kate was the first to move, she stepped back into his embrace, her fingers lifting his shirt so she could press them against the warmth of his skin.

"I need to feel you" she whispered, her fingers running up his chest, over his shoulders, down his back. She turned her head and kissed his chin, she moved her lips across his face, darting all over him.

"Kate" he murmured against her, capturing her lips with his own. His kiss was gentle and warm, her mouth moved against his frantically.

"I need you".

He caught her face in his hands, his heart still aching for the darkness he saw haunting her eyes.

"Make me forget, Rick. Make me forget" she whispered against his mouth. He lifted her up, his lips responding to hers as he carried her towards the bedroom.

Castle lay her in the middle of the bed, he had wanted to kiss every inch of her, to let every piece of her body know he was back, that he wasn't going anywhere, but the need rising within Kate was frantic. She pulled him to her, tearing at his shirt and tugging at hers until he fell on top of her bare chested, the welcome weight of his body pressing her into the bedding. Her hair splayed out behind her creating a halo as she looked up at Castle, her mouth open as she watched him. He pulled down her trousers, releasing himself at the same time before returning to the warm embrace of her body.

"Now, I need you now" she moved urgently beneath him, he kissed her deeply, his fingers caressing her as he met her rising need. They joined under the glint of the moonlight, their bodies moving to a rhythm only they could hear as the sobs from earlier turned into cries of joy. They were home.

Xxx

A/N: The full prompt. 7x13: When Castle doesn't show up for dinner, Kate has flashbacks to his disappearance in 7x01. So when she finally gets him home, she's really clingy and needy. (bonus points if she instigates some life affirming love making.)


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